Viva el pollo! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. Moreover, given our curved universe, if the chicken keeps moving in the same direction, it winds up coming once again to the same road!
Physicist Werner Heisenberg: Because the chicken is moving sufficiently fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both. Do you think you could sit with that chicken in a small room for eternity? My mother died today.
Nothing matters. The world is absurd. In the reappropriation of the original text of this phenomenon, and being utterly open to its subtext of emptiness and the many, as part of our ongoing postmodernist deconstructionist project, we are interested here only in the actual feathers, tissue, beak, claws, and asphault. Rogue cops in the L. Los Angeles Police Dept.
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You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. I was playing golf with it at the time. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Steven Wright: Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. On the monster first hole of play, a par-five fully yards long, Moses hit his drive a whopping yards, right down the fairway's center. Jesus then hit his drive even further, an amazing yards, also right down the middle.
As they approached the area where their golf balls had come to rest, each contemplated their second shot: Moses saw that a large pond lay tucked just before the putting green, making a second shot directly to the green over the water well-nigh impossible. So he took out a mid-iron club and, playing it safely to insure a good third shot, he laid up a nice soft shot ten yards before the pond, leaving him an easy yard pitch-shot to the green. Jesus looks nonchalant. Moses then plays his third shot beautifully, the ball drawing to within a foot of the hole.
Jesus then walks out onto the pond and, miraculously, hits the shallowly submerged ball right up out of the pond, and onto the green, where it then rolls to within just 6 inches away from the hole. Meanwhile, a party of golfers that has teed off behind them and is coming up the fairway sees what has just happened.
Queen of the Night (This is Shyness, #2) by Leanne Hall
There were about a dozen items in the original version, some of them not so funny. One wild and crazy night, in a bizarre channeling of some demented humor angel in a combination with my own knowledge of world religions and new religious movements, many elaborations on the theme burst forth. The newer items on this list were drafted in by Timothy Conway, Ph. Say Hail Marys as penance. We pray that no more shit will happen, Inshallah! God Willing. No shit ever really happened. Let it arise and pass away.
Where were you 1, years before the First Big Shit?
And Heraclitus warns: don't step in it twice, even if it's not exactly the same shit. This is why we channel so much of it through you.
12 Declarations That Will Break the Spirit of Fear in Your Life
I am so beautifully free of shit. Shit cannot happen to me! So—you have a choice: Fear shit or Love shit. Then you can experience L. Roll it up. Smoke it up! The question is: to be, or not to be, shitty? Let there be shit. What did the birthday girl say in response?
2. Let Go of the Results
Why should peacekeepers keep the peace for themselves when the world needs it so badly nowadays? It is time for us to emerge from our fearful and powerless hiding places and see the big picture. We have met the Savior and He is Us. I see all these Children of God praying for Jesus to intervene, but we cannot expect to be fed intervenously forever. Playful adults, that is. I will tell you. It is seriousness. Seriousness is the most serious problem we face on the planet today. Think about it. Every terrorist act -- not to mention terror itself -- begins with seriousness. Everywhere we look, we are faced with laugh-threatening seriousness.
Finally, the Swami outlined his plan for conducting the Blisskrieg and waging all out peace. While it makes no sense to take up arms against warfare, it makes all the sense in the world to lift up arms and embrace anything that nourishes peace. If war is a necessary evil, why not seek peace as a necessary good?
- All’s Fair in Love and Cupcakes.
- Necessary Evils: gripping detective thriller full of suspense.
- A Circle of Trust!
We should be putting at least as much energy and money into secretly plotting peace-- sneaking food and clothing into war-torn nations under the cover of darkness, sending tanks to drought-stricken areas so that they can capture rainwater, sending in comedy troops in an all-out amfunniest assault-- and an even more controversial measure, dropping canisters of laughing gas on persistent pockets of seriousness. Prayer works. According to Dr. Larry Dossey and others who have studied the healing power of prayer, surgery patients who were prayed for tended to heal more quickly.
Not only that, but if the people who were doing the praying were also prayed for, results were even better! And it worked regardless of the language or religion they were praying in. Regardless of who wins the pray-offs, everyone will benefit. Support the Alter Native Economy. So support the alter native economy-- whatever alters the natives for the better. Our lives are byproducts of what we buy. So if you want to counteract the profits of doom, only buy products with healthful and helpful byproducts. And consider trading in your old Dodge for an Evolvo and running your karma on esteem. Rising esteem can actually improve the overall atmosphere by causing the heart to warm, and the head to cool.
This may be the answer to global warming! Support the Peace Effort on the Om Front. Our lives are so filled up with somethings that we have no room for nothing anymore! Our minds are filled up with information everywhere we go. After a busy day thinking of everything, what a welcome relief it is to think of nothing. So as part of my work on behalf of inner peace, you can now come to my Om Page and download as much healing silence as you need-- absolutely free!
And you can do your part for world inner peace by sending some peaceful silence to a friend. Sure this is a peacemeal approach, but it works. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon you have one big peaceful meal everywhere. If we truly want to bring about Nonjudgment Day, we need to do whatever we can to increase the laugh force on the planet. Take the funniest jokes from the internet, and share them on the outernet.
Commit random acts of harmless comedy. Practice Fun-Shui by creating playful beauty everywhere. Make sure you spend some time each week laughing with friends and loved ones. Remember that when it comes to laughter, the more the merrier. And remember too, what goes around comes around. In other words, the laugh you save may be your own. After the funeral for a close elder relative , my wife and children stayed home while I had to leave town for three days. As I was driving to the airport, I got really depressed.
Goose bumps appeared on my arms. I knew I was in the presence of a miraculous event.